As we approach the 2013 college football season, the Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors is proud to report that there is currently only one team on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.

That team is Memphis, by virtue of their punishment from their 2009 ruling. As the Tigers move onto a new conference, we're all hoping that the enthusiasm for the move by the fans will allow the school to not only win a few more games, but also have the fans actually show up to watch this thrilling occurrence. Until the stadium is packed, the Tigers will remain on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.

The Board of Governors was also pleased to see the Duke Blue Devils eliminate their punishment by becoming bowl eligible for the first time since dirt....err, 1994. Despite losing to Cincinnati in the Belk Bowl, David Cutcliffe's squad is now off Southern Fried Football™ Probation.

While there is only one school in the South on SFF Probation, the Board of Governors has voted to add a new element to the upcoming 2013 season. It was discussed and voted upon and for the first time ever, an individual has been placed on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.

The moron that has deserved this punishment is Harvey Updyke, Jr. In case you live under a rock or follow Big Ten football exclusively, Updyke is the moron that is so "filled with Bama" that he decided to poison the awesome oaks at Toomers Corner in Auburn, Alabama.

Updyke's trial has been been postponed numerous times on the account that he is a raging lunatic and has mental kidding. While the state of Alabama continues to procrastinate, the Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors has not.....

Congratulations to Harvey Updyke, Jr.....the latest member of the Southern Fried Football™ Probation Club.

Bama and Mississippi State participate in one of the SEC's longest played series. They've been playing each other since 1896, and the game is referred to as the "90 Mile Drive". This year, the Tide printed their home ticket with the Bulldogs by misspelling their neighboring state. That will cost Alabama a one-year penalty. The Tide is eligible for consideration on the Tour effective on September 1, 2011. Update: Alabama is now Tour eligible, and no longer on SFF Probation.
The Tigers embarrassed the South by having just over 4,000 fans show up for a nationally televised game vs. East Carolina in 2009. Memphis can become eligible for the Southern Fried Football™ Tour when they finally sell out the Liberty Bowl. I suggest that they contact the Tennessee Vols and schedule them to visit ASAP.
On November 25, 2006, Duke lost 45-44 to arch rival North Carolina in what was billed as the first ever "Southern Fried Football™ Probation Bowl". The loss by Duke capped off a perfect 0-12 season, and it extended the nation's longest losing streak in the process. The Blue Devils can be considered for a future Tour date once they become bowl-eligible....however long that might take. Update: Duke is now Tour eligible, and no longer on SFF Probation.
On August 31, 2002, the East Carolina University football team traveled to Wallace Wade Outdoor Stadium to play the Duke Blue Devils. At the time, Duke had the nation's longest losing streak at 23 consecutive games. Duke upset ECU, 23-16, and the few Duke fans in attendance for their own home game rushed the field to tear down the goal posts. Needless to say, the Southern Fried Football Board of Governors wasted no time in slapping the proud Pirate program with a two-year probation. The Pirates are now eligible for Tour consideration.
On October 30, 1999, the University of North Carolina football team taunted their opponent, the Furman Paladins, before the game in their "special blue uniforms" and proceeded to lose 28-3. The lopsided loss did not go unnoticed by the Southern Fried Football Board of Governors. An emergency meeting was held, and it was immediately announced that UNC would be placed on "Southern Fried Football Probation". The Heels were eligible for Tour consideration in 2001.

 The Stories Behind Southern Fried Football™ Probation 

10/29/09 - The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors announced today that the University of Memphis football team will automatically go on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.

The reasoning for the ruling was based on the results of a 38-19 blowout loss at home, to East Carolina. The game was broadcast on ESPN, played on a Tuesday night, and witnessed by an announced crowd of 4,117 people.

The Board of Governors doesn't approve of Tuesday night games, especially when the home team accepts a monetary incentive to showcase such an awful brand of football to a national television audience. In addition to embarrassing themselves and college football in the South, the Memphis Tigers played in front of a crowd that was announced at 4,117. It should be noted that the Liberty Bowl has a capacity of 60,000.

Last season, the University of Memphis basketball team averaged over 17,500 per game on a consistent basis. When you draw 4,117 people for a nationally televised game on a Tuesday night, you are doing college football in the South a disservice.

Effective immediately, the University of Memphis football program will be on Southern Fried Football™ Probation. This case is unusual, since it really doesn't involve an unprecedented loss or a history of football ineptitude. The Board of Governors believes that football programs in the South that continue to take monetary payments without regard for the quality of their product, their fans, or the tradition that is Southern Fried Football™ deserve punishment.

The University of Memphis has never appeared on the Southern Fried Football™ Tour, and some Board of Governors members believe they should be the first school to receive the Southern Fried Death Penalty. The Tiger football program will not be served that indignity. However, they will be ineligible to appear on the Tour until they can sell out the Liberty Bowl for any Tiger football game that includes another CUSA opponent.

The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors will make sure that the University of Memphis football program doesn't embarrass college football fans in the South anytime soon....even though their next scheduled game is against the Tennessee Vols, at Neyland Stadium.

August, 2009 - While we head into the 2009 season, the Duke football program is currently the only team on Southern Fried Football™ Probation. The Blue Devils will have their best chance to reach bowl-eligibility in years, and therefore can eliminate their probationary status.

As Duke attempts to reach their goal, there is another potential candidate for "Southern Fried Football™ Probation" on the horizon. That team resides in Columbia, South Carolina. The Gamecocks face an important challenge on October 24th, when they host the Vanderbilt Commodores. This game is so important that we have added it to this year's AAA / Southern Fried Football™ Tour.

The past two years, South Carolina - while ranked in the Top 25 - has lost to the perennial SEC East doormats, and if they lose for the third consecutive year, action must be taken against Steve Spurrier's club.

The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors has voted, and if the Gamecocks lose to Vandy for the third consecutive year, the "SFF BoG" will place the USC program on SFF Probation. The severity of the punishment will not be announced until after the outcome. We're hoping that this announcement will not have to take place.

We're rooting for the Cocks to take care of business and win the game, since Columbia, SC is one of our favorite Tourstops. Plus, it has to be nearly impossible to lose to Vanderbilt three consecutive years on the gridiron.

How bad is Duke football?

Don't take my word for it; listen to what Duke's very own legal department thinks of its Southern Fried Football™ Probation-ridden program. This story is compliments of the Louisville Courier-Journal, from a case that took place in June of 2008.

Judge agrees: Duke football as bad as it gets

by C.L. Brown • June 19, 2008

A Franklin, KY, Circuit Court judge sided with a devilishly clever argument and ruled in favor of Duke University yesterday in a breach of contract lawsuit brought forth by the University of Louisville.

Judge Phillip J. Shepherd agreed with Duke’s lawyers — the football team is so bad that any replacement would do.

U of L sued Duke for $450,000 — or a series with another Atlantic Coast Conference opponent — after the Blue Devils backed out of a four-game football contract with three dates remaining.

The contract called for a penalty of $150,000 per game if a date with a “team of similar stature” could not be arranged.

Duke’s lawyers argued the Blue Devils, which have a record of 6-45 over the past five seasons, were so bad that any team would be a suitable replacement.

Judge Shepherd agreed in his summary:

“At oral argument, Duke (with a candor perhaps more attributable to good legal strategy than to institutional modesty) persuasively asserted that this is a threshold that could not be any lower. Duke’s argument on this point cannot be reasonably disputed by Louisville.”

Kentucky courts interpret contract terms “according to their plain and ordinary meaning” barring any ambiguity. According to Shepherd, finding a suitable replacement literally meant any NCAA Division I team would suffice ­ including those in the Football Championship Subdivision (formerly known as Division I-AA).

After the teams played their initial game in 2002, a 40-3 U of L victory in Durham, N.C., Duke opted out of the remaining games in 2007, 2008 and 2009.

Thanks in part to Duke’s cancellation, the Cards scrambled to find a 12th game for the upcoming season before signing an agreement with Memphis in February. U of L will play at Memphis on Oct. 10 and the Tigers are scheduled to play at U of L in 2010.

“We’re disappointed with the ruling,” said U of L spokesman Kenny Klein. “We will take our time to review the decision and explore our future options.”