As we approach the 2013 college football season, the Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors is proud to report that there is currently only one team on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.
That team is Memphis, by virtue of their punishment from their 2009 ruling. As the Tigers move onto a new conference, we're all hoping that the enthusiasm for the move by the fans will allow the school to not only win a few more games, but also have the fans actually show up to watch this thrilling occurrence. Until the stadium is packed, the Tigers will remain on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.
The Board of Governors was also pleased to see the Duke Blue Devils eliminate their punishment by becoming bowl eligible for the first time since dirt....err, 1994. Despite losing to Cincinnati in the Belk Bowl, David Cutcliffe's squad is now off Southern Fried Football™ Probation.
While there is only one school in the South on SFF Probation, the Board of Governors has voted to add a new element to the upcoming 2013 season. It was discussed and voted upon and for the first time ever, an individual has been placed on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.
The moron that has deserved this punishment is Harvey Updyke, Jr. In case you live under a rock or follow Big Ten football exclusively, Updyke is the moron that is so "filled with Bama" that he decided to poison the awesome oaks at Toomers Corner in Auburn, Alabama.
Updyke's trial has been been postponed numerous times on the account that he is a raging lunatic and has mental issues.....no kidding. While the state of Alabama continues to procrastinate, the Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors has not.....
Congratulations to Harvey Updyke, Jr.....the latest member of the Southern Fried Football™ Probation Club.
The Stories Behind Southern Fried Football™ Probation
10/29/09 - The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors announced today that the University of Memphis football team will automatically go on Southern Fried Football™ Probation.
The reasoning for the ruling was based on the results of a 38-19 blowout loss at home, to East Carolina. The game was broadcast on ESPN, played on a Tuesday night, and witnessed by an announced crowd of 4,117 people.
The Board of Governors doesn't approve of Tuesday night games, especially when the home team accepts a monetary incentive to showcase such an awful brand of football to a national television audience. In addition to embarrassing themselves and college football in the South, the Memphis Tigers played in front of a crowd that was announced at 4,117. It should be noted that the Liberty Bowl has a capacity of 60,000.
Last season, the University of Memphis basketball team averaged over 17,500 per game on a consistent basis. When you draw 4,117 people for a nationally televised game on a Tuesday night, you are doing college football in the South a disservice.
Effective immediately, the University of Memphis football program will be on Southern Fried Football™ Probation. This case is unusual, since it really doesn't involve an unprecedented loss or a history of football ineptitude. The Board of Governors believes that football programs in the South that continue to take monetary payments without regard for the quality of their product, their fans, or the tradition that is Southern Fried Football™ deserve punishment.
The University of Memphis has never appeared on the Southern Fried Football™ Tour, and some Board of Governors members believe they should be the first school to receive the Southern Fried Death Penalty. The Tiger football program will not be served that indignity. However, they will be ineligible to appear on the Tour until they can sell out the Liberty Bowl for any Tiger football game that includes another CUSA opponent.
The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors will make sure that the University of Memphis football program doesn't embarrass college football fans in the South anytime soon....even though their next scheduled game is against the Tennessee Vols, at Neyland Stadium.
August, 2009 - While we head into the 2009 season, the Duke football program is currently the only team on Southern Fried Football™ Probation. The Blue Devils will have their best chance to reach bowl-eligibility in years, and therefore can eliminate their probationary status.
As Duke attempts to reach their goal, there is another potential candidate for "Southern Fried Football™ Probation" on the horizon. That team resides in Columbia, South Carolina. The Gamecocks face an important challenge on October 24th, when they host the Vanderbilt Commodores. This game is so important that we have added it to this year's AAA / Southern Fried Football™ Tour.
The past two years, South Carolina - while ranked in the Top 25 - has lost to the perennial SEC East doormats, and if they lose for the third consecutive year, action must be taken against Steve Spurrier's club.
The Southern Fried Football™ Board of Governors has voted, and if the Gamecocks lose to Vandy for the third consecutive year, the "SFF BoG" will place the USC program on SFF Probation. The severity of the punishment will not be announced until after the outcome. We're hoping that this announcement will not have to take place.
We're rooting for the Cocks to take care of business and win the game, since Columbia, SC is one of our favorite Tourstops. Plus, it has to be nearly impossible to lose to Vanderbilt three consecutive years on the gridiron.
How bad is Duke football?
Don't take my word for it; listen to what Duke's very own legal department thinks of its Southern Fried Football™ Probation-ridden program. This story is compliments of the Louisville Courier-Journal, from a case that took place in June of 2008.